Pros and cons.

There are times when my mom is the coolest person in the entire universe (except for, like, Jesus), and then there are times when she makes me want to throw myself off a cliff in sheer frustration. I've experienced both within a few hours of today.

PRO: When I'm very strangely not-hungry (seriously, I'm usually always hungry. Always.), she plunks down some chocolate milk and cinnamon twist thingies and goes "Here you go" and walks away... because she knows how much I love chocolate milk (way more than boring old plain milk), and she knows how much I love the cinnamon twist thingies (it's like heaven in the form of a grocery store pastry). And she still gives it to me, even though I barely ate any of the Panda Express that was supposed to be my dinner three hours earlier.

CON: If I am not completely finished with all my homework by maybe 10:15 PM, she flips out and basically tells me that I'm going to get a zero on the assignment and fail all my classes and never get anywhere in my life because I don't work fast enough. And she still says this, even though she knows that stoichiometry, even though it's completely awesome, can be a total beast and threaten to shred my brain into tiny little bite-sized pieces... and on top of that, I'm supposed to write a fake dedication speech for a war memorial with a ridiculously depressing backstory.

Because apparently, if I don't finish ALL my homework in under three hours, I'm going to...

1) Get a zero on the assignment, which means I will
2) Fail the class, which leads to
3) Failing ALL my classes, which means that I would
4) Flunk out of school and
5) Not get into the school I want, and then
6) End up flipping burgers at McDonald's until I'm eighty-four (and three-quarters) and have enough life savings to FINALLY retire. And on top of all that, I will also
7) Not be able to hold a steady job because of my tendency to procrastinate, and then
8) I won't be able to get married, because
9) I won't be able to support a family

Okay, so I paraphrased a little. But I swear numbers 1-5 have all been yelled at me when I take just a tad too long with my history assignments.

For those of you who have seen the movie "The Vampire's Assistant": It's like the COLLEGE! JOB! FAMILY! talk Darren's parents give him in the beginning of the movie.

For those of you who haven't seen the movie: Unfortunately, I can't find a clip of it right now. If I find one, I'll definitely put it up. In the meantime... if anyone knows where I can find a clip of the college-job-family lecture, let me know! It would be awesome!

Well. Now that this has turned into a full-blown rant about how I'll never succeed in life, I'd better wrap up this post. After all, I do have homework to do.

To end on a positive note...

Umm...

Originally, I had a picture of two adorable puppies running on a hardwood floor. Blogger seems to hate me as of right now, so I can't post it. Sorry.

Stream of consciousness

I have no idea why I put "stream of consciousness" as my title. It just sounded cool... plus we're learning about it in English. I have to write a stream-of-consciousness piece about a homeless man. Um... okaaay. I guess I can do that. (Well, I have to. Stupid homework.) It's better than the usual writing assignment, though, because this one is creative writing. Usually it's just essays comparing the ideas of Rousseau and the Enlightenment and the Romantic Era and blahblahblah... (I really have no idea what I learned during that unit.)

I just wish we'd read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland- the original version. It's SO legit. We read a couple chapters of it (and a few of Through the Looking-Glass), but not all of it. So, next on my reading list: Alice in Wonderland. Yeeaaahhhh. :D

And another reminder to vote on the poll. It's right there under the little animated fox! Vote vote vote!

A last random thought to wrap up this pointless post: When rabbits are being attacked and dying, they make this noise that sounds like a woman screaming. At least, that's what my friend says. Apparently, his rabbit was attacked by some sort of animal and it was screaming... which was really freaky (and a quite morbid topic for the middle of trig).

WOOHOO!!

Hey, followers/readers/stalkers!

Take a look around at this lovely blog. *waves hands around like a Wheel of Fortune letter-screen girl* I changed the template! Sooo... what do you think of it? Love it? Hate it? Think it's too orange? Does it burn your retinas with its total orangeness? (I hope not.) Let me know! Just shoot me a comment and tell meeeee! DO IT NOW.

Also, I put up a nice little poll in the sidebar. It's right under Spirit (the fox) and right above the list of books I've talked about so far. I didn't know what to put, but then I thought, "Hey, I'll poll about something everyone knows about!" Hence the Twilightness. But no worries, fellow Anti-Twilighters: I put an option to click if you don't like Twilight. (Like me.) So go vote! Whee!

Mini-update

Hey, all 12 of you followers! (Twelve... wow.) Just a mini-update to say a couple things!

1) I was just informed of the existence of the Blogger Template Designer... so that means the next time you see this blog, it's going to be all spiffy and redone! It also means that the approximately two and a half hours I spent searching the Internet for a good blog template... was... pointless... *headdesk*

2) I added a list of all the books I've talked about so far in the spiffy sidebar. I put helpful little links to each one, too! (Uh... they're all to Goodreads.) They're all to a site with exciting summaries and average ratings and stuff, plus it's got all the book information if you want to buy it or something. If the list down there is too crowded, confusing, or just plain annoying, let me know! LEAVE A COMMENT! (Seriously. I love comments. I really do.)

Heist Society

Well.

I honestly can't think of anything to write about.

Fail. *facepalm*

Might as well review a book, eh? (Eheheh. I said "eh.")

What I'm Reading: Heist Society, by Ally Carter. You might've seen this in the bookstore, since it's gaining a big fan base- and for good reason. This book is so. Totally. Awesome. *goes into fangirl mode* Even the title is awesome! Heist Society... it makes you go "Huh, I wonder what this is about..." and then pick up the book and go "OMG SO COOL." So... well... I should really summarize, huh? Sorry if the summary is horrible. I'm awful at this kind of thing :P

Katarina Bishop lives in a family of thieves. She's been in the family "business" her entire life, but she's decided she's tired of it. She scammed her way into a prestigious boarding school and intended to stay there for a while... but other people had different ideas.

There's a bad guy within the bad guys, and his collection of priceless (and stolen) paintings have been taken from him. Kat's dad is the one and only suspect on the list. With Interpol watching his every move, he can't do much about it. An old ally wants Kat back on the team to clear her dad's name and possibly save his life. But even the best of the best couldn't pull off a heist this big...

[insert sound of evil cackling]

Soooo, if anyone read my April 13 post with the little mini-story-type-thingies, you'll have seen the one about the obnoxious girl who flings herself on the narrator's friend constantly. (What? You haven't read them yet? Read them! And comment! Please?) I based the story on a girl at my school with a locker near me. Curse you, alphabetical arrangement! *shakes fist angrily*

Anyway, I saw the girl at school last week. It was certainly entertaining... for me, at least. >:) So here's a few stats on the story:

Story: The girl has pretty much zero knowledge of my existence.
Reality: True. I know her name- duh, how could I not? She's even louder than me- but she doesn't know mine.

Story: Her locker is right near mine.
Reality: True. Like I said before, we're arranged alphabetically, which is quite unfortunate.

Story: She throws herself all over the narrator's (my) friend.
Reality: Nope. I had two very specific people in mind when I wrote the story. I was trying to imagine how they'd react to each other, and I think I got that pretty well.

Story: Seems like I (the narrator) kind of have a thing for my guy friend.
Reality: FALSE!! I added that bit to the story to make it a little more dramatic. In real life, we're just really good friends. (Seriously. I promise.) Someone suggested that he likes me and I yelled "Ahh! That's like incest or something!" We're not actually related, but we've known each other for a super long time, so we might as well be.

To elaborate on the bit about the two people who inspired the story: Yes, there IS a girl who's exactly like the one in the story. Only difference: I'm pretty sure she doesn't know my friend exists, either. (Honestly, it's not a bad thing for either of us.) Besides that, I had two very specific people I thought of, and I tried to think of how they would react if they were ever in that situation.

And the girl throws herself all over other guys, but not my friend (re: doesn't know he exists). Believe me, I see her every single day. Shrieking obnoxiously and cussing at the top of her lungs and running around in shorts so tiny I'm stunned the admins haven't descended on her for dress code yet. (Believe it or not, I'm not her biggest fan. Hurr hurr.) I swear someday she's going to be walking around in those tiny shorts and that tiny shirt and Uggs (why does she wear fuzzy boots with short shorts? Anyone knows why, PLEASE let me know) and some weirdo will come creep on her and she won't know what to do except scream and cuss.

Wait, that's a little harsh. Maybe she'll think to run away. Not sure, though, because a typical sentence is something like "Ohmigaawwd, the party was so [expletive] fuuun! Like, Brett was like, so weird that night, and I was like 'Holy [expletive], Brett! What the [expletive] is [expletive] wrong with you?' And-- oh, [expletive]! I forgot my [expletive] English binder! [expletive]! I hate my [expletive] English class anyway!" It's like, f-bombs galore, plus a bunch of other words that I didn't even know existed. Thanks, darling! You taught me some fun new words today! (My sarcasm hand is raised.)

Oh, almost forgot. The other day, she was standing there and I kicked my locker shut really hard. I saw her glance over for a second, so I glared at her. Then I smiled evilly and walked away. *wins*

More random bits

Just some random bits of conversation I heard (or said) today. I have a feeling these random bits will become a trend in my posts...

"No, stupid! The ice cube is right there!"

"Nelson! I have to eat the earth dragon! Come on!" (No kidding. This is what I heard.)

"I'd tell you to pretend to be a girl, but that would be freaky."

"Bright yellow chicken-ade?" ((EDIT: It was actually "Lemon yellow chicken-ade." Sorry for the mix-up. :) ))

"Is it hah-pee or haa-pie or hah-pie or what?"

Also, I am officially addicted to the Death Note manga, because holy cheese, it is amazing. Much thanks to Mack, who told me what it's about!

Random bits

Today's post is just random bits of my life that I overdramatize for the sake of writing. No, this is not because I have no idea what to post! Pfft... By the way, not all of these are about me. Some of it's what I see around me. You know, at school and such. Also, I changed some elements of most of the mini-bits, just for the sake of drama. They're not all part of the same story, either.


"He won't get up," she complains, nudging the puppy.
"He never wants to get up." She laughs and tugs him up by the collar. "He's lazy. Fat, too. But still adorable, so that kind of makes up for it."
"Yeah, it does." The puppy lays down again. There's silence for a few seconds as he rolls over.
"Back to work now?"
"Sure."

***

The girl laughs, "playfully" bumping the boy with her shoulder. "Ohmigaawwd," she shrieks. "Shut up!"
I shoot her a glare, but look back down before she can notice and start cussing me out, although I've never spoken to her before. I'm sure she's barely aware of my existence.
But I'm certainly aware of her existence. She's the one who blocks my locker daily. She's the one who keeps throwing herself all over my friend. She's the one who makes him uncomfortable, but I don't know if she realizes that. She probably does, though. That's probably why she keeps doing it.
How did she even get into this school? We're supposed to be prestigious, hard to reach, renowned for the difficulty of the admissions process. She must have really wowed them during her interview. She probably did. She's good at facades.
But I know who she really is. I've seen her type so many times.
The five-minute bell rings. The hallway begins to clear quickly. I stay at my locker a bit longer, hoping for a chance to talk, but she doesn't leave. I sit back on my heels, pretending to be indecisive about a certain binder.
"Hey." A foot nudges my backpack. "Come on, we gotta get to class." I glance over at my friend, whom she's still got in a trap.
"Sure," I say. I stand up and kick my locker as hard as I can. The slam echoes around the hallway, making her shriek. She stares at me as if she can't fathom how I could possibly want to be that loud.
"Whoops," I say. I turn and walk away before I do anything stupid. I can sense him staring at my back, hoping I'll turn around and rescue him from her... but I don't. I can't deal with her right now.

***

"No way! Are you serious?"
"Yes!" I gape at her for a second, then burst out laughing.
"A cheerleader? What's her name?"
"I have no idea. Dark brown hair. That's all I know."
"The one in our math class?"
"No, not her. Wait... do you mean that girl-"
"Sits one row over from me, a couple seats up."
"Oh. No, it's not her."
"Darn. Wish it was. That'd be hysterical."
"I know, right?" I pull up a mental image of our class, then try to remember if I've ever seen her watching him a little too closely. I don't think she ever has, though, so I dismiss the idea.
"Yeah. I mean, out of all the people in this school, she chooses him to Facebook-stalk?"
"Totally. It's just so... so..."
"Freaky," I say at the same time she says "Weird."
"Yeah." I lean back on my hands, wondering if he knows. "Does he know?"
"I dunno."
"We should tell him. It'd be hilarious."
"It would," she agrees. "It'd definitely make math a little more exciting."

Golf.

This is just a really short post, since I'm in the middle of writing a monstrous mini-essay. (Why do teachers assign homework over spring break? It's called a BREAK for a reason, people. Like, a break from the punishment they call homework.)

Anyway, my dad had one of those "OMG COME WATCH THIS PUTT" moments whilst watching professional golf on TV. The Masters are on, Phil Mickelson is tied for the lead, and my dad is so excited that I think he's going to start jumping up and down at any second now. Also, pro golf's leading Recovering Jerkface just missed two reeeaaally easy putts. IN A ROW. It's like the cardinal sin of golf. (Well, that, and leaving a putt short. Apparently.)

So Tiger misses the putt, and the crowd goes "Awww," and then he misses ANOTHER, and the crowd goes "Ahhhh!!" because they OMG cannot believe that he missed the putt!!

It's a valid concern. When stuff like that happens, it sucks really bad, because you fail at life. Twice. Within sixty seconds. Believe me, I would know. I golf, and I've done that before. SO not fun.

Golfers get upset over the strangest things.

UPDATE: Phil Mickelson just won the Masters. (Yes, it's a good thing. From what I've heard, he's a really cool dude. :) ) I think my dad might scream. Phil's his favorite.

Wow...

Oh my goshness, I am HORRIBLE at remembering to update this. Ack! *facepalm* Well, after reading this amazing blog, it motivated me to start writing more often. Yay for SparkNotes!

Which brings me to my next point: I'll probably be expanding out from just reading, since sometimes I don't really read anything new. I pretty much just reread my favorites (like this week... Catching Fire :D), so I actually am running out of material. (Gasp!) So most of my posts might be recommendation-less, but I guess I'll just put the random stuff that spews out of my brain onto the keyboard and screams at me to type up. (That was kind of graphic. Sorry.)

Just a quick note, if anyone cares- rereading Catching Fire, by Suzanne Collins. Epicness at its best!