Pros and cons.

There are times when my mom is the coolest person in the entire universe (except for, like, Jesus), and then there are times when she makes me want to throw myself off a cliff in sheer frustration. I've experienced both within a few hours of today.

PRO: When I'm very strangely not-hungry (seriously, I'm usually always hungry. Always.), she plunks down some chocolate milk and cinnamon twist thingies and goes "Here you go" and walks away... because she knows how much I love chocolate milk (way more than boring old plain milk), and she knows how much I love the cinnamon twist thingies (it's like heaven in the form of a grocery store pastry). And she still gives it to me, even though I barely ate any of the Panda Express that was supposed to be my dinner three hours earlier.

CON: If I am not completely finished with all my homework by maybe 10:15 PM, she flips out and basically tells me that I'm going to get a zero on the assignment and fail all my classes and never get anywhere in my life because I don't work fast enough. And she still says this, even though she knows that stoichiometry, even though it's completely awesome, can be a total beast and threaten to shred my brain into tiny little bite-sized pieces... and on top of that, I'm supposed to write a fake dedication speech for a war memorial with a ridiculously depressing backstory.

Because apparently, if I don't finish ALL my homework in under three hours, I'm going to...

1) Get a zero on the assignment, which means I will
2) Fail the class, which leads to
3) Failing ALL my classes, which means that I would
4) Flunk out of school and
5) Not get into the school I want, and then
6) End up flipping burgers at McDonald's until I'm eighty-four (and three-quarters) and have enough life savings to FINALLY retire. And on top of all that, I will also
7) Not be able to hold a steady job because of my tendency to procrastinate, and then
8) I won't be able to get married, because
9) I won't be able to support a family

Okay, so I paraphrased a little. But I swear numbers 1-5 have all been yelled at me when I take just a tad too long with my history assignments.

For those of you who have seen the movie "The Vampire's Assistant": It's like the COLLEGE! JOB! FAMILY! talk Darren's parents give him in the beginning of the movie.

For those of you who haven't seen the movie: Unfortunately, I can't find a clip of it right now. If I find one, I'll definitely put it up. In the meantime... if anyone knows where I can find a clip of the college-job-family lecture, let me know! It would be awesome!

Well. Now that this has turned into a full-blown rant about how I'll never succeed in life, I'd better wrap up this post. After all, I do have homework to do.

To end on a positive note...

Umm...

Originally, I had a picture of two adorable puppies running on a hardwood floor. Blogger seems to hate me as of right now, so I can't post it. Sorry.